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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27324805">That time i saw you...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/strkville/pseuds/strkville'>strkville</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji-centric, Angst, Character Death, M/M, Mentioned Miya Atsumu, One-Sided Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, mentioned Tenma Udai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:20:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27324805</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/strkville/pseuds/strkville</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>That time I saw you was on a magazine cover...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Haikyuu Angst Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>That time i saw you...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Day 1 of haikyuu angst week: unrequited love!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That time I saw you, after high school, was on a sport magazine. You were smiling brightly, eyes closed and mouth stretching from ear to ear. You sat on a throne while a fair maiden sat on your laps, dressed in a expensive dress with the same smile. Both of your hands wore the same gold ring, which shone underneath the studio's light. </p><p> </p><p>The magazine was placed among, various familiar faces from our high school days on its cover or their names were mentioned. But yours stood out because it was you. Wherever you are, you always stood out. Be it your weird hair colour or loud personality, you were always the one capturing all the attention, like how you did on the court. </p><p> </p><p>The next time I saw you was on a electronic billboard in Tokyo. I held a cup of steaming hot coffee as I maneuver my way through the hustle and bustle of Tokyo. As I waited for the green light at a traffic junction, your face along side your teammates were on the big screen across the road. You stood in the middle with the biggest grin I ever seen you pull. That's good, it's mean you're happy. If you're happy, than I'm happy too. Even if you don't want me.</p><p> </p><p>The next time I saw you was on the TV. It was playing this interview with you and Miya Atsumu. You wore a tan trench coat, with a white hoodie underneath along with a pair of white plaid pants and white slip ons. I've noticed that you gotten a piercing on both of your ears as it held a gold hoop. Your hair had been down and it made you look so domestic. It's a far cry from your high school fashion sense and I'm grateful for your partner for helping you dress like a sane person. Even though I wish that was me.</p><p> </p><p>I sat on my couch in a small apartment, clutching a throw pillow to my chest to block back any negative emotions. I was meant to be editing a new shonen jump manga about exorcising cursed spirit. Maybe I should try a method of exorcism, to get rid of any unwanted feeling I have towards you. </p><p> </p><p>The next time I saw you was when I was cleani through my apartment. I had stumbled upon a box labelled <em>'High school' </em>and opened it up. I wasn't expecting your bright smile to greet me though, as I thought I had thrown away anything that reminded me of you. Shame, you can't just toss your feelings away. It would have made my life so much more easier. If that was possible, maybe I could've attended our high school reunion without the fear of breaking down the moment I saw you.</p><p> </p><p>The next time I saw you was on your wedding day. At that time, almost 10 years has passed since high school and to me, that's 10 years of my stupid feelings. Kuroo had texted me the details after stating that nobody from the team could contact me. I wish I didn't had to resort to that but those feelings, who wouldn't leave me, made me desperate. I wanted to cut off any attachment to you and high school in general. For a year after high school, I felt horrible. I barely passed the college year with a 3.2 GPA. </p><p> </p><p>And now I stood in the crowd, beside some stranger you probably know. I wore the nicest suit I could rent with my measly salary and wore my work shoes. I tried to look presentable, infront of you and your wife. In hope that even if you could never be with me, I'm more than happy to be your friend again. </p><p> </p><p>But during the party, you barely look my way. I was thankful that Tenma accompanied me to the event as my plus one. He kept me entertained and was sociable among the crowd. I wondered, do you truly want me here? And so I spent the remainder of the party, wondering if I should even be in your life. That look of sympathy you gave me on your graduation day plagued my mind but I pushed it back. I didn't want to be a asshole and mourn at someone's wedding. </p><p> </p><p>The next time I saw you was in the bathroom of the venue you had picked alongside your wife. I was standing infront of the mirror, my hands gripped the side of the sink so hard that my knuckles turned white. I was trying to recollect my thoughts. I thought about drowning in alcohol but I had a meeting with the higher ups at my work place so i opt against it. You had come into the bathroom looking so goddamn handsome in that suit. </p><p> </p><p><em>"Akaashi."</em> You spoke, without the beaming smile you wore. I had missed that. Why don't you wear it more often? </p><p> </p><p><em>"B-Bokuto-san."</em>The name had rolled off my tongue. It felt so familiar, so homely that it hurt. I caught the shining gleam of your wedding ring underneath the bathroom light.</p><p> </p><p>You commented on how it's been a long time, I chuckled, mentioning that it's been a decade. I pried my eyes off you, to control myself. But you just had to say my name again, and for some stupid reason, my body replied with a "<em>Yes Bokuto-san?"</em></p><p> </p><p><em>"I'm sorry."</em>You had said. I felt my brain go into overdrive as I felt my emotions go into haywire. </p><p> </p><p>"<em>Why?"</em>I asked, eyes darting to the floor. </p><p> </p><p>You said it was to let me be free of whatever guilt I had, or whatever remaining feelings I had towards you. </p><p> </p><p>But don't you know? My heart has already been lost to you. But your heart was lost to her. Now my heart is roaming the empty abyss that is heartbreak. I was going so well, but your face just had to pop up on the magazine, the billboard and my TV. </p><p> </p><p>I felt tears prick at the sides of my eyes as I clenched my fist in hope that I won't spill. I shouldn't have agreed to come here, I should have stayed at home and be miserable while slaving away at editing. I shouldn't have look at that magazine, I shouldn't have looked at the billboard, I shouldn't have turn on my TV. I shouldn't have even looked at your face. It only made my repressed feelings surface again and I...</p><p> </p><p>I hate you for that. </p><p> </p><p>You stood infront of me as tears flow down my cheeks. Dumbfounded, you simply handed me a tissue which I slapped away. I just wanted you to get out. Out of this bathroom, out of my life and away to your honeymoon with your wife. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Akaashi, do you still want to be friends?"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>You dumbass, of course I do. But i feel like I shouldn't. You have better friends now, who doesn't love you. Who won't get their heart broken and be perpetually depressed. </p><p> </p><p>I had refused before running out of the bathroom and out of the venue. I wanted to disappear. Coming here was a mistake, a grave one. I seem to only make mistake after mistake, driving my life downhill. I had to choose a money hungry landlord to pay rent to, I had to be chosen into a place with always angry higher ups. I just had to love you.</p><p> </p><p>It was pouring, very fitting to the mood. I sat at the back of the cab after texting Tenma to go back home and that I'm sorry. He hadn't seen it though, he must be shit faced by now. After all, alcohol seems very attractive to him. </p><p> </p><p>But the next time I had saw you was at my funeral and my wake. Funny isn't it? I came to your happiest moment and you came to my saddest. Like how it always was, you were thriving as a pro volleyballer, with a stunning wife, with good friends and Japan's support. Your life has been going so well. But mine was the opposite. I was a struggling manga editor with strict bosses and was frequently underpaid, which meant that I was unable to pay my rent which i frankly think was too high. And to end it all, I had to die in a car crash, how mundane.</p><p> </p><p>You stood there with your wife, alongside our teammates. Why do you wear such a sorrowful face? Even as a ghost, I could still see how perplexed you look. Why? Shouldn't you be happier? That I'm finally gone. The thorn in your side? </p><p> </p><p>When you got up to say your words, you left out the part where I had confessed to you on your graduation day. I thank you for that. I don't want people to know that I, Akaashi Keiji, had confessed to the only and only Bokuto Koutarou and was rejected.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone had look so sad that day. I wished they would smile. I thought they'll be happier that I'm no longer there to ghost them, to turn down more invitation. </p><p> </p><p>I noticed how you spent the night crying as your wife consoles you, hushing comforting words to you. I sat by your side, but you're unable to see me. After all, I am dead. My body's ashes is 6 feet underground in the family grave.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe if I hadn't spoken such words, we would've still been friends...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>&amp; thats it! See y'all tomorrow</p></blockquote></div></div>
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